COUNSELING

I have been seeing a lot of people recently share their experiences with mental and emotional health issues. Notably for me this year were a local TV sports director from here in the Lehigh Valley, Dan Moscaritolo, and the drummer in my favorite rock band Breaking Benjamin, Shaun Foist. Well, I am a person who battles anxiety, depression at times, and Seasonal Affective Disorder. As a Type 1 diabetic, I see an endocrinologist four times annually. A few years ago, talking to one of my endos, I expressed my feelings to her that, despite the fact that my diabetes is very well-controlled, sometimes "diabetes sucks". She asked me if I wanted to talk to someone about it. I said sure, why not? Well, that was the beginning of my once-monthly counseling sessions. Sure, it started out being primarily about how diabetes affects EVERYTHING in my life and EVERYTHING in my life affects my diabetes. But it became so much more than that. I now talk to my counselor about everything and anything. It is so helpful. I am not at all embarrassed to tell people I see a counselor. In fact, I will tell anyone about it. I would encourage anyone who has any kind of emotional or mental health issues to TALK TO SOMEONE. If you have the resources, find a professional to talk to. If that is not possible, find a trusted family member or friend who will listen. I promise you, it will help you so much and change your life. 

God bless America

 My friend Jakob suggested I post this here in my blog. It is taken from my Facebook page from Sunday, December 13th, 2020, the day after the Army-Navy football game . . .

I saw an older gentleman outside the post office today with an Army sweatshirt and camouflage mask on. I rolled down my window and congratulated him on the football win yesterday. I said it wasn't Navy's year, but at the end of the day, EVERYONE wins -- the USA wins. He agreed. He told me he served 28 years. I thanked him for his service, which he appreciated. I told him my father was retired Navy and Philadelphia Police. He said to thank my dad for his service -- twice. He also told me his father and brother were both Navy men. WE ARE ALL FAMILY. GOD BLESS AMERICA. 🇺🇲❤🤍💙😊

Breaking Benjamin

OK, I feel really silly posting this. It's like I'm a 12-year-old middle school girl. But it IS my blog, right? No judgement allowed? So I will do it. There is a great hard rock band called Breaking Benjamin. I absolutely love their music. Probably more importantly, they are probably some of the nicest people on the planet. They love each other. They adore their wives and families. They cherish their fans. I am so into this band right now, they seriously make my days brighter. The following is something I posted in a Breaking Benjamin fan Facebook group I am in. Thank you in advance for reading. 

** LONG POST ALERT -- I apologize in advance but I felt the need to share this with this wonderful group. ** I am usually good at putting words together – Hell, I was a journalism major, after all, and I still think I'm a good writer.  But I feel like I might start rambling here, so I'm sorry.  I am new to this group. I love hard rock music.  It’s what I listen to in my car.  It’s what I listen to at the gym while most people around me are probably listening to hip hop.  Recently I started listening to a lot more Breaking Benjamin.  I always loved their music, but something sparked a bigger interest in learning more about this band. First of all, I keep discovering songs I have never heard before and I really like them and keep listening to them because I'm hooked. I know this band has a lot of interesting history, including, of course, the lineup change.  I like the original band’s music as much as the music the newer band has made. I will be honest, sometimes I wonder if it's "okay" to like the older music so much since the only original member is Benjamin.  But then I see the current band members who love to play the older stuff as much as the new music and I figure it's OK because they are so passionate about what they do.  I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but whatever.  I’ve been watching a lot of interviews the band has done in recent years, both together and individually.  Has anyone seen the “50ish Questions" interviews done with Aaron, Keith, Shaun, and Jasen?  Really cool stuff.  Each one of these men is so interesting in his own way.  I also found a “NEPA Scene” podcast interview from 2019 with Aaron.  I loved hearing his story about how he hooked up with Ben.  I love hearing these men talk about each other. They truly love each other and are brothers.  Their friendships are beautiful.  I also love hearing them talk about their families – especially Aaron and Jasen.  Listening to Aaron talk about his wife seriously makes me cry -- she sounds like an amazing woman.  And then, of course, they really love their fans.  I know all bands do, but these men are passionate about the people that support them.  Are these men for real? Can they really be this nice? They sure can.  These men are truly inspiring.  I work in healthcare where I help people every day.  I have an 83-year-old father with health issues who lives with me and my boyfriend, and Mike and I both try to help him so he is comfortable and cared for.  I am a Type 1 diabetic diagnosed when I was almost 36 years old and I do my best eery day to take care of myself so I can try to live a "normal" life.  Lately I've been doing better with my own health.  I’ve been going to the gym a lot (listening to lots of Breaking Benjamin, of course) and trying to eat better and I’ve lost about 10 pounds recently.  I know this might sound cheesy, but this band inspires me to BE BETTER AND DO BETTER in my own life.  It’s not just the music, it’s their unbelievable spirit and love for life and each other that are contagious.  Does this make any sense?  2020 has been crazy.  I am grateful to Breaking Benjamin for putting some sunshine in my daily life.  Sadly -- please, don't judge -- I have never seen them play live.  Can you believe this – I work in Allentown, PA, in a medical office in the building attached to the PPL Center arena where they played with Korn January 23rd of this year.  I DID NOT GO TO THE SHOW! WHY? What a dummy I was.  I have no doubt I’ll get to see them play in person – after all, the band’s roots are of course here in PA and they love playing here. They will be back, and I will be there.  We just need a damn COVID vaccine so there can be live music again!  Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. And again, thank you for letting me be a part of this group.  Love to all! 💖

OUR CAT

OUR CAT

My family has THE BEST CAT IN THE WORLD. Sure, I know everyone says that. But seriously. My cat is amazing. Her name is Gabby. She is a beautiful -- black and white and very fluffy and she talks (meows) all the time! Gabby is actually my boyfriend's stepmother's cat. She has a brother named Rascal who she couldn't live with in peace and harmony because Rascal is a little too rambunctious for Gabby. So Callie asked Mike if Gabby could come live with us. It turned out perfectly for all involved!

Gabby is very sweet and kind and affectionate. She loves being petted and snuggling in bed. She is also hilarious. In addition to being extremely vocal, she also does other funny things. Sometimes she runs around the house for absolutely no reason meowing loudly. She will do this anytime, even late at night or early in the morning. She likes to lie inside boxes and laundry baskets and closets and on top of things. She loves plastic bags -- getting inside them, lying on top of them -- I think she likes the rustling sound.

In addition to being goofy and very vocal, Gabby is also very sensitive. She seems to know when someone is having a rough day or feeling sick and she is extra attentive and affectionate with that person. 

Gabby's tail is naturally up in the air and it wags all the time. She is a very friendly, happy cat and makes everyone around her happy. She makes our lives brighter!

The end of my hospital stay

Along with my blood sugars being uncontrolled, which was bad enough, there were some other issues as well. Working in a sporting goods store, I had access to all of the latest styles of athletic footwear. Unfortunately, the fashionable sneakers I had been wearing led to what I thought was a "blister". Well, that "blister" turned into an infected diabetic ulcer. Suddenly I was being set up with a wound vac and crutches. I also had an MRI. This thing was pretty bad. At that point, there was no major infection, but I was on an antibiotic just in case.

My fifth full day in the hospital, after being transferred from ICU to a regular medical/surgical unit the night before, I woke up and realized while watching TV that suddenly everything seemed cloudy. What the heck? Now my vision was shot, too? I couldn't read a newspaper. I had trouble seeing the TV. It was like there was a hazy film over my eyes. I had no idea what was happening. I asked my dad if he could bring me a magnifying glass, and he found one at a pharmacy. It didn't really help that much, but I tried my best to read. Watching TV was tough. Looking back on it, I remember not truly understanding what was happening. I never mentioned it to the doctors in the hospital. I guess I was hoping the cloudiness would just go away. I also remember that my parents didn't say too much to me about the vision problems, even though they knew something was wrong. They understood that I already had enough to handle with my blood sugars, learning how to use insulin, and my foot. At the same time, they also knew that I would have to go see an ophthalmologist sooner than later. That wouldn't happen until March, though.

In the meantime, I was finally discharged from the hospital Thursday, January 31st. I went home to the apartment where I was living with Dad and Mom. I was set up with visiting nurses to come in and do wound care on my foot. Figuring out how to function on crutches with the wound vac was, believe it or not, a bigger challenge than learning about insulin, carbohydrates, etc. My mother would serve me meals from her motorized chair that she used in the apartment. She also taught me so much about using my health insurance, and she also learned about Type 1 diabetes along with me. Meanwhile, Dad was doing the food shopping and other errands, laundry, and driving me and Mom to all of our appointments, all while continuing to work parttime as an overnight police dispatcher at Moravian College Sundays and Mondays. I was very lucky to have both of my parents to help me. I swear that without them, I would have been in a nursing home. I did learn to adapt and do quite a bit for myself despite the crutches, but I still needed a lot of assistance. There was quite a bit of work to be done in upcoming months as I began my Type 1 diabetes journey. 

The first few days in the hospital

The first few days of that hospital stay are kind of a blur. My mom had completely lost her mobility by then. She had a motorized scooter at home and had to be pushed in a wheelchair to go to appointments. My dad, who used a cane at that point, was able to push her wheelchair and brought her to see me only one time, when I was still in the ICU. Otherwise, my dad came to the hospital almost every day. I will never really know what kind of grief my parents experienced seeing their almost 36-year-old daughter in ICU. Not cool.

My best friend, Beth, visited me. She has said she didn't like the numbers on my monitors in ICU. They scared her. Otherwise, my boyfriend at the time, Jason, and my dad's good friends Bill and Nancy, also visited.

My care team in the ICU was amazing. The ones who especially stand out in my mind include nurse Amanda, nurse Laura (who Amanda was training), and tech (nurse's assistant) Krisann (my former middle school basketball teammate). By Wednesday I was starting to feel a little better. Kris helped me bathe and she washed my hair. They got me sitting in a chair. Amanda came in my room and sat down on the edge of the bed. She said we were going to have "a talk".

She asked me to tell her my story and why I had ended up in the hospital. She asked me if I was going to start taking care of myself. I told her I was. And I meant it. That talk from a young rising star nurse was the beginning of my turnaround. 

But controlling my blood sugars was only the beginning of the challenges I faced. More to come . . .

January 20th, 2008

Sunday, January 20th, 2008 was the day my life would change forever. You will have to excuse me, because as I am sure you can understand, quite a bit of it is a blur. I hadn't been feeling well for a few days the week leading up to that weekend. However, by Saturday I felt well enough to attend basketball games at my alma mater, Moravian College, and an alumni reception afterward

Anyway, Sunday I woke up feeling quite ill. But I dragged my butt into work at Schuylkill Valley Sports in Allentown. Honestly, I will never really know how I made it through that shift. I had two high school students working with me -- Erika and Dave. They basically ran the store that day. I will always remember them and forever be grateful to them for that.

After work, my dad picked me up. Dave and Erika rode with us across the mall parking lot to the bank to drop the deposit in the overnight box. Then Dad drove me home. We left my car at the mall. I think my dad and his friend picked it up later that week.

Dad was going to drive me straight to the hospital, but I do remember suggesting to him that I go in an ambulance so that I would be seen sooner.  I knew it could take a while going through an emergency department waiting room.  So we went home and called 9-1-1.  The nearest hospital to the apartment where my parents and I lived was Lehigh Valley Hospital-Muhlenberg.  It was only a mile away.  In retrospect, I was fortunate to be taken there.  It would have a profound impact on my future, which I will write more about in future blog entries.

I don't remember a whole lot that happened once I got to the hospital. I do remember many people surrounding me in my little room in the ER. Later, I remember realizing I had been taken to the Intensive Care Unit. I recall quite clearly that I wasn't allowed anything to eat or drink for quite a while, and when a doctor finally allowed me to have some water, I called him a "rock star".

I will write more about that first hospital stay, as well as a couple others that year and some other health complications related to diabetes, in upcoming entries.  Thank you for reading this blog.